Video

The Day The Routers Died…

The Day The Routers Died… a song performed by the secret-wg in the closing plenary of the RIPE 55 conference.

Words and performance by Gary Feldman.

Lyrics

a long long time ago
i can still remember
when my laptop could connect elsewhere

and i tell you all there was a day
the network card i threw away
had a purpose – and worked for you and me….

But 18 years completely wasted
with each address we’ve aggregated
the tables overflowing
the traffic just stopped flowing….

And now we’re bearing all the scars
and all my traceroutes showing stars…
the packets would travel faster in cars…
the day….the routers died

Chorus (ALL!!!!!)

So bye bye, folks at RIPE 55
Be persuaded to upgrade it or your network will die
IPv6 just makes me let out a sigh
But I spose we’d better give it a try
I suppose we’d better give it a try

Now did you write an RFC
That dictated how we all should be
Did we listen like we should that day

Now were you back at RIPE fifty-four
Where we heard the same things months before
And the people knew they’d have to change their ways….

And we – knew that all the ISPs
Could be – future proof for centuries

But that was then not now
Spent too much time playing WoW

ooh there was time we sat on IRC
Making jokes on how this day would be
Now there’s no more use for TCP
The day the routers died…

Chorus (chime in now)

So bye bye, folks at RIPE 55
Be persuaded to upgrade it or your network will die
IPv6 just makes me let out a sigh
But I spose we’d better give it a try
I suppose we’d better give it a try

I remember those old days I mourn
Sitting in my room, downloading porn
Yeah that’s how it used to be….

When the packets flowed from A to B
via routers that could talk IP
There was data..that could be exchanged between you and me….

Oh but – I could see you all ignore
The fact – we’d fill up IPv4

But we all lost the nerve
And we got what we deserved!

And while…we threw our network kit away
And wished we’d heard the things they say
Put all our lives in disarray

The day…the routers died…

Chorus (those silent will be shot)

So bye bye, folks at RIPE 55
Be persuaded to upgrade it or your network will die
IPv6 just makes me let out a sigh
But I spose we’d better give it a try
I suppose we’d better give it a try

Saw a man with whom I used to peer
Asked him to rescue my career
He just sighed and turned away..

I went down to the net cafe
that I used to visit everyday
But the man there said I might as well just leave…

And now we’ve all lost our purpose..
my cisco shares completely worthless…

No future meetings for me
At the Hotel Krasnapolsky

and the men that make us push and push
Like Geoff Huston and Randy Bush
Should’ve listened to what they told us….
The day…the routers….died

Chorus (time to lose your voice)

So bye bye, folks at RIPE 55
Be persuaded to upgrade it or your network will die
IPv6 just makes me let out a sigh
But I spose we’d better give it a try
I suppose we’d better give it a try

Video

Uptime Funk (Uptown Funk parody)

Lyrics

This bit
Uncontrolled
A bad bug,
Make my system fold
This bug, in the kernel
My kernel
My uptime ceases
Freakin’, Spazzin’
My manager’s mad, it ain’t pretty
I need caffeine, a big screen
Gotta fix this server in a jiffy

It’s too hot (hot patch)
Call Torvalds and Kroah-Hartman
It’s too hot (hot patch)
Make a Sys Admin retire man
It’s too hot (hot patch)
Holy cow, am I in a jam
It’s too hot (hot patch)
Tellin’ ya now it ain’t that funny
Server’s down

Live patching hallelujah (whoo)
Live patching hallelujah (whoo)
Live patching hallelujah (whoo)
‘Cause Uptime Funk gon’ give it to ya
‘Cause Uptime Funk gon’ give it to ya
‘Cause Uptime Funk gon’ give it to ya
Saturday night and servers alright
Don’t reboot it just patch (come on)
Don’t reboot it just patch
Don’t reboot it just patch
Don’t reboot it just patch
Don’t reboot it just patch
Don’t reboot it just patch
Hey, hey, hey, oh

Halt
Don’t reboot, init
Found a fix, grab code from git
Make a build, passed the tests
Julio! Make a patch!
Ride to Provo, Nuremberg, Newbury in the UK
We got Linux, and there’s no doubt
Gonna fix that server in a jiffy

I’m all green (hot patch)
Called a Penguin and Chameleon
I’m all green (hot patch)
Call Torvalds and Kroah-Hartman
It’s too hot (hot patch)
Yo, say my name you know who I am
It’s too hot (hot patch)
I ain’t no simple code monkey
Nuthin’s down

Live patching hallelujah (whoo)
Live patching hallelujah (whoo)
Live patching hallelujah (whoo)
‘Cause Uptime Funk gon’ give it to ya
‘Cause Uptime Funk gon’ give it to ya
‘Cause Uptime Funk gon’ give it to ya
Saturday night and servers alright
Don’t reboot it just patch (come on)
Don’t reboot it just patch
Don’t reboot it just patch
Don’t reboot it just patch
Don’t reboot it just patch
Don’t reboot it just patch
Hey, hey, hey, oh!

Before we leave
Imma tell y’all a lil something
Uptime Funk you up, Uptime Funk you up
Uptime Funk you up, Uptime Funk you up
I said Uptime Funk you up, Uptime Funk you up
Uptime Funk you up, Uptime Funk you up

Come on, patch
Get on it
If you stable then flaunt it
If you online then own it
Don’t text about it, come show me
Come on, patch

Get on it
If you stable then flaunt it
Well it’s Saturday night and the servers alright
Don’t reboot it just patch
Don’t reboot it just patch
Don’t reboot it just patch
Don’t reboot it just patch
Don’t reboot it just patch
Don’t reboot it just patch
Hey, hey, hey, oh!

Uptime Funk you up, Uptime Funk you up
(say whaa?!)
Uptime Funk you up, Uptime Funk you up
Uptime Funk you up, Uptime Funk you up
(say whaa?!)
Uptime Funk you up, Uptime Funk you up
Uptime Funk you up, Uptime Funk you up
(say whaa?!)
Uptime Funk you up, Uptime Funk you up
Uptime Funk you up, Uptime Funk you up
(say whaa?!)
Uptime Funk you up

Credits:

Parody lyrics – Bryan Lunduke and Russ Dastrup

Directed and Produced by Russ Dastrup and Scott Dastrup
Filmed and edited by Scott Dastrup – Slant.Video

Vocals: Jennifer Nicole Marco (soprano), James Case (bass), and Stephen Jones (Lead)

Recording Studio: Soularium Studios with Stoker White.

Actors:
Stephen Jones – Main singer
Dancers – Chris Castillo, Moses Eyere, Scott Smith, Ethan Franson, The Quinton Twins

Crew: Spencer Rich, Kevin Maynard, Alex Arnold
Hair and Makeup: Arielle Ludwig